God and Sexual Assault

What Do You Hear?

Who do you hear?

When I read the Bible sometimes I hear something other than what God is saying. What do you hear and what is God saying when you read the Bible?

The reason for this lies with what we endured. Sexual assault, trauma, involves our brains not just our physical bodies. How we were treated was in itself disrespectful. Add to it for some of us what we heard from our abusers and we have an unending stream of unhealthy lies running through our heads.

Take for example when I was reading in the book of John. I was reading about Jesus at the wedding and when he addressed his mother. He said, “‘Woman, why do you involve me?’ Jesus replied. ‘My hour has not yet come.’”  John 2:4

In my head I heard, “WOMAN! WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING ME! CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT! LEAVE ME ALONE!” That is the tone which Jesus words took on in my brain. However, upon reading the footnotes, it clearly says that the Greek for “Woman” does not indicate any disrespect.

Jesus was simply addressing his mother as a woman. He was just stating a fact. Letting her know it was not time. If we consider Jesus actions throughout His life we can imagine His tone. Loving, tender, wanting the best for those He came for here on earth.

Who I heard when I read the verse were my abusers. I rolled these words around in my head for weeks before God lovingly showed me what was happening. Jesus. God – the Two as One – they are not my abusers.

How easy it is for us to see God this way. It is what we know and what we have heard. What we endured. However, God wants to free us from hearing those lies and reach us with His love instead.

I understand it is not a one stop fix. Believe me I have tried over and over again. It is a constant we have to be aware of. When we catch ourselves making others out to sound like our abusers we must realize they are not. That goes for anyone. I do it with people too. All men must be terrible, mean, out for sex, and two sided. Except I have learned this isn’t true. There are actually decent men in this world.

And God, He is perfect. When we catch ourselves placing our abusers words in place of what God is saying it is definitely a lie from Satan. God will not tear us down, hurl insults, or degrade us. We are His children. Loved so much by Him He sent His son to save us so we can be with Him forever.what do you hear

So as you’re reading the Bible ask yourself no just, “What do I hear?” but “Who do I hear?” and hold on to the One who will always love us no matter what. God.

 

© 2019 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.

I am a former elementary school teacher who loves God. I am currently in the process of recovering from a childhood of sexual abuse and assaults. I am pursuing God's will for my life right now which involves following various writing endeavors and working on publishing some books. I feel God has led me to write this for my own healing, and to share with others who have been through the trauma of sexual assault.

2 comments on “What Do You Hear?

  1. Thanks for sharing this. I think the greatest struggle we face as Christian’s is within our minds. I on many occasions have read His promises but yet hear another voice of doubt. If I win in my mind I have wonin reaelity…

    Like

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