Did you ever lay outside in the grass and look up at the clouds in the blue sky and imagine what they looked like? Today I went outside and laid down for a few minutes and just looked. Tried to imagine again. I saw a rabbit chasing a cotton ball, then a large heart, and a dragon. Usually this is something you would do as a child, but today I felt like leaving the real world for a few minutes.
Do you try to imagine what your life will be life after recovery? I do. I wonder if I’ll ever have the chance to get married. If I’ll be too old to get a job and if so how I’ll survive. I wonder what life will look like 5, 10, 20 years from now. Then I realize I’m not really imagining as much as I’m worrying.
Either way we can’t begin to imagine what life will be like even tomorrow, so it does us no good to try. I understand it doesn’t mean we won’t worry. Anxiety is part of who some of us are as we’re dealing with our trauma.
There is One who does know what tomorrow holds, what will happen 5, 10, or 20 years from now. He created each of us. He has the blueprint for each of our lives. God already knows what’s going to happen and how He will be there for us each step of the way.
Learning to trust Him is what doesn’t come naturally to us. Our trust has been broken so much we don’t know how to do it. We are learning how, but it doesn’t come as naturally to us as it would to someone who hasn’t experienced sexual assault.
When I’m doubting God, and worrying I will repeat to myself, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 I will say it over and over again. However, I can say the words as much as I want. Yet it is God’s continued faithfulness through this journey that is increasing my trust in Him.
Yes, His word reminds us He is faithful, but so do His actions. Writing down when God has answered a prayer, spoken to my heart, and looking back on those words reminds me of His faithfulness. Like in these posts, I’ll reread them to hear God’s message and remember what He wrote when I asked Him to speak.
Even though we don’t always feel Him He is here with us. Walking right beside us every step of the way through recovery. He knows what will happen tomorrow and years from now. He knows every little thing and that He will get us through it. Not only that, but He has promised us eternity in heaven where there will be no more tears or pain like we feel right now.
So no matter how we try to imagine what tomorrow will be like we will never come close to God’s amazing plans. Today let’s claim God’s promise about the future with Him.
“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4
Thank you God that you are with me every day. Help me continue to learn to trust you more even through my anxiety. Remind me of the promises you fulfill in my life and that one day all this will pass away. Provide me with the strength to continue to make it through this journey.
© 2019 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.