God and Sexual Assault

Divine Appointment

Trust? Love?

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise.” Psalm 56:3

“Did you just roll your eyes?” My therapist asked.

“Yes.” I said.

“I want you to write about this on your blog.” He said.

“We’ll see how it turns out.” I replied.

Today I’m writing about it so it turned out the way he predicted. It all started out with something you would think was not life changing. However, he was headed out of town for two weeks after my next session, and if we missed Thursday I wouldn’t see him for three weeks. The longest I’ve ever gone in over 8 years.

I’ve been struggling lately and the sessions help ground me and keep me going. I needed to have my appointment Thursday, but he said he could make no promises to make it on time. It wasn’t his fault or in his control. He said he would do his best, but we would need to trust God to provide.

This is where I rolled my eyes. It just happened. My experience with trust leaves much to be desired. Everyone is always looking out for someone or something else before me, so why wouldn’t God. I mean, He is in charge of the whole world for goodness sake. He has much bigger fish to fry than to help me get an appointment with my therapist.

As I prayed throughout the week I half-heartedly asked God to provide the appointment. I let Him know I knew He had better things to do, but I would really like to have my time Thursday. Fourth of July was going to be hard enough to get through, and it was, and I needed someone who was human to reassure me and talk to me, help me work through struggles.

I let God know it would help me know more about His love if He provided this simple request. That He cares about the little things in life. Though it wasn’t so little to me.

So, today, Thursday afternoon, I find myself writing about the Divine appointment. The one God worked out. My therapist was already at his office when I showed up this morning. There in plenty of time for our session.

When I pulled up and saw his car I said “Okay God, thank you. Maybe you really do care about the little things. Maybe I am starting to understand Your love. No one has ever done something so selfless for me before. Thank you.”

Except now I realize someone did. Jesus. He died on the cross for me, for you. So we can have a relationship with God. Know His love. The most selfless act of all.

Hard to comprehend to those of us who have been mistreated so much in this life, but it’s true. God loves us, and He wants us to trust Him.

Today I stepped a little closer to this Truth.

Father God,

You know how much a struggle to know Your love and to trust in You. Continue to help me understand You are not like my abusers. I want to trust You.

Amen

In what ways have you experienced God’s love lately?

(c) 2018 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.

I am a former elementary school teacher who loves God. I am currently in the process of recovering from a childhood of sexual abuse and assaults. I am pursuing God's will for my life right now which involves following various writing endeavors and working on publishing some books. I feel God has led me to write this for my own healing, and to share with others who have been through the trauma of sexual assault.

1 comment on “Divine Appointment

  1. I love it when those Godwinks happen!

    Liked by 1 person

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