“The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.” Psalm 29:11
Sitting on my couch, clinging to my large as life therapy bear, I cried out to God. Again. Some days it seems like all I do. Does He get tired of hearing me? Sometimes I wonder.
Living the life of a survivor of sexual assault makes me feel defeated before I even get out of bed some days. What memories will I face today? What monster lies ahead of me?
It is a tiring journey and one which lasts longer than we wish. It is something you don’t wish on anyone and yet we wish it wasn’t us.
I try to keep telling myself God is going to use this for His good. Something will come out of this. Hopefully a deeper relationship with Him. I am working through this aspect right now.
I’m trying to learn to trust and depend on God more. Know He loves me. Lean on Him and not things and people.
Yet, I feel alone.
As I sit crying on the couch I cling to the bear as if it is God and I ask “Why?” and “Where are you?” “I can’t keep doing this. I’m tired and I feel alone. I’m anxious and weak.”
The tears spill down on the bear and on me. They flow freely now, and show no signs of stopping.
Then, in between sobs I gasp for a breath and for a moment there is silence. “Psalm 29:11.” I heard it in my head clear as day. My sobs continue as I open my phone to the Bible app. I open up the book of Psalms and find 29:11.
I read, “The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.” Psalm 29:11 “Thank you God. I need your strength and peace right now. Thank you.” I whisper to Him.
My crying begins to quiet and I sit still hugging the bear as if God is holding me tight. I truly believe He is.
He provides us strength and peace through His presence.
Call on Him. He’s waiting to embrace you too.
We are never alone.
Thank you for providing me with comforting words today and for providing me some peace in this storm. Please help me remember to always turn to You, and that you never tire of hearing from me. Keep showing me You are there at all times and I am never alone.
© 2018 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.