God and Sexual Assault

Never Alone: Part II

Even though I walk...

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

I don’t have many numbers to call when I need to. Today no one answered my first call. My second call was met with “This number has been changed and the new number is unknown. Goodbye.” Dial tone. Huh. Well, now I feel terrible. I was already down and alone and now she didn’t even tell me she moved and got a new number.

The loneliness of being a sexual assault survivor has really set in today. I’m depressed, don’t feel like doing anything, and I’m exhausted from not sleeping. Who invented Daylight Savings Time? It just adds to my already sleepless nights.

My therapist is in session so I can’t call him. Well, I can, but I’d get voicemail and no call back until 5 hours from now. It’ll be evening by then and I see him tomorrow morning.

I could drown myself in books the rest of the afternoon, or TV, or I could easily fall asleep, but then I really won’t sleep tonight. So, I’m working at my standing desk writing this meditation and I’m not sure where the words are coming from…except from God.

He is the only One they could be from because I am lost right now. I’m alone and feel I’m drowning. My heart is heavy, and I’m carrying my burdens around because I feel them in my neck and shoulders.

The memories, the trauma work left to do, the questions about my life. I’m getting old. Where has my life gone? It’s pretty much half over. I acquired my grandma’s wedding rings recently and when I look down at them on my hands I notice how old my hands are looking now. My hair is turning greyer each day, and there is no end in sight for my journey of recovery.

I’m alone.

Except, I’m not. God reminds me…

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.” Psalm 23:1-6

He will refresh our souls. Even in the darkest valley He is with us. He will comfort us. He is preparing a place for us beyond what we can imagine. Even though times are hard and difficult he will protect us until we reach Him in Heaven.

I need all of this and my guess is so do you.

He gives it freely.

Father,

Help me accept your comfort right now. I feel alone, yet You say You are with me. I need your protection from life’s evil until I meet You face to face. Help me rest in You.

Amen

© 2018 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.


 

6 comments on “Never Alone: Part II

  1. Becky Edgar

    I am still praying for you Susan. I’m here if you want to talk.

    Like

    • I appreciate that, and even though I discuss my struggles in these posts they aren’t really about me. They are about sharing my struggles with others so they can relate and hopefully become closer to God.

      Like

  2. Such a wonderful reminder that we’re never completely alone.

    Like

  3. Susan— thank you sharing. I have always loved the 23rd Psalm. You made the remark about getting older and your hair turning gray. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. ” II Cor. 4:16 If it is any consolation, I will be 61 in May. When I think about being alone, Psalm 139 comes to mind. In my bible it is subtitled, ” God’s all-seeing eye and inescapable presence.” It is the omnipresence (among other things) of God that is so awesome to me.
    The Lord bless you and keep you–

    Jane

    Like

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