“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2a (NIV)
I am a new writer. This is a new ballgame for me, so when I had someone edit my work and got two pages full of blue (my editing program doesn’t show up red), with most of my story crossed out. I gave up. I was done. Why? Because of the trauma from my sexual assaults, I feel the need to be perfect. No mistakes allowed. If you make a mistake, you are a failure in life and in what you tried to do.
So, in my world, I had just failed at writing. All of it. Why write these meditations anymore? Why try to get my two children’s books published? Why attend the writer’s conference in October? Why bother if I’m a failure?
After some time wallowing in my imperfection, God nudged me. “Write.”
“What was that?” I asked?
“Write.” I heard again in my heart.
“Okay, why?” I asked.
“Because you’re not perfect. I am. I died because you are imperfect. I love you anyway, and I want to use you. Write.” I clearly heard the message God was telling me in my heart.
I’m writing this right now because God told me to. He wants me to know and to tell you: His love is greater than our insecurities, our fears, our doubts, and our attempts at perfection. The world asks for perfection, but God wants our minds to be renewed, to accept imperfection, and to realize we are not God. He is.
Sexual assault can leave us feeling like we need to be perfect so no one can shame us or hurt us. God wants us to know He can transform our minds from thinking we need to be perfect, into knowing we are all sinners and imperfect in need of Him.
He hurts with us. He longs for us to embrace our imperfection. He will never leave us. God already knows what we will attempt and accomplish, but He also knows what we will attempt and fail. He loves us anyway. His love is what matters. It does not mean rejection will not sting and hurt, but God is there when is does.
Allow God to renew your mind and restore to you the gift of imperfection. I am willing to allow Him to restore it to me, one step at a time. It is not an overnight process, just as healing from our assaults is not a one-time fix. Take it nice and slow, with God leading the way, and we can do this new task set before us.
The gift of imperfection. It will be freeing. Let’s allow God to set us free.
I find it so easy to criticize myself over the tiniest things in life. Right now I ask for You to transform my mind and walk with me as I learn this gift of imperfection. Free me of my need to be flawless and realize You are the only one who is truly perfect and holy.
NOTE: I have posted three mid-week posts recently. I will not always post mid-week. I have felt led by God to post these mid-week posts. I will, however, continue to post each week on Tuesdays.
© 2017 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.